Tin Hattery

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Foil Hats, Inc., the largest US producer of tin hattery, announced plans to invest several billion dollars in equipment in order to boost foil hat production capacity. The company is hustling to meet the needs of the American Association of Paranoics, which has experienced unprecedented growth in membership.

“Business is six kinds of crazy,” says Helmet Ovtin, spokesperson for Foil Hats, Inc. “Demand has gotten ahead of production.”

Experts say the tin hattery industry, which languished on the fringes for years, is finally looking up. Analysts agree, adding that companies investing in capital improvements have the potential to be heads above the rest as the market recovers. In addition, the secondary market for existing foil hats may also profit from increasing numbers of paranoics who don’t trust the efficacy of the new styles.

Cray Zeeperson, a long-time foil hat wearer who is suspicious of new-fangled techniques of hat production, hopes her foil hat repair shop will benefit, too. “People give me funny looks when I tell them they don’t need a new foil hat,” she says. “But the truth is, a simple hat adjustment can really change your day.”

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