The Washington Conflict

Thanks for sharing this!

Americans are losing patience with the war. In a recent poll, nine of ten Americans agreed the country should abandon the bitter conflict currently raging in Washington DC.

“We’ve been at war with Washington for several decades and we’re still not making progress,” says Joe Citizen, a member of the nonprofit group Voters, Inc. “In fact, it seems to me conditions on the ground keep getting worse.”

Mr. Citizen, a soft-spoken man who gives his occupation as “Taxpayer,” is adamant in his conviction that Americans should retire front-line fighters from the Washington battlefield. Along with other members of Voters, Inc., he wants all troops currently deployed to Washington out of the capitol permanently by November 2010.

Military experts use the term “political fatigue” to describe Mr. Citizen’s weariness with the war in Washington. They say it’s a natural reaction at this stage of lengthy hostilities. Government officials, however, appear to have been taken by surprise by the shift in public opinion.

“We just implemented a new strategy in January,” says one befuddled congressperson, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “People have to give it time to work.”

According to Voters, Inc., that’s not likely to happen. The new strategy, code-named “Bipartisanship,” started off with solid support. But as casualties mounted, Americans became disillusioned. Some see no clear plan for success in Washington and believe the new strategy looks an awful lot like the old strategy.

“The war in Washington is a distraction from our real problems,” says Mr. Citizen. “We need to end it and give ourselves a fresh start.”

You might also like these posts

Satire — Gridlock Image source: www.wpclipart.com Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Staying Calm Calm International is losing its stature as a global leader in the equanimity market, with sales of flagship merchandise simmering down. While Calm remains a key provider of composure, harmony, and serenity products worldwide, experts say the company has been losing its cool for years---a development reflecting the rea...
Do You Know Better? Of course you know Better. Everyone thinks they know Better. Yet I. Dunno, spokesperson for the international celebrity, says no one really knows Better. "If I didn't know Better," says Mr. Dunno, "I'd think these people were delusional." Experts, many of whom do not actually know Better, say it's natural for peop...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,