The Season of Uncertainty

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In the last remaining weeks of the official season of uncertainty, political forecasters expect the US to be buffeted by turbulence from poll to poll. Americans are advised to prepare for conflicting bouts of equivocation, mixed with high-level oscillations of iffiness, indecision and doubt.

“Current rhetorical conditions are marked by extreme confusion,” admits Who Yu Counten, spokesperson for Statistics-R-US, a purveyor of skewed results. “We still have to conduct a few debates before we can reach a final conclusion.”

While the quadrennial season of uncertainty is always tumultuous, this cycle has been unusually active. What’s causing the paroxysm? According to experts, one culprit is gusting squalls of opinion. These tempests affect the velocity and veracity of babble, a burbling, vapid gas that raises tempers and leads to a volatile electorate.

Despite difficulties inherent in making accurate predictions about the final outcome of any season of uncertainty, Mr. Counten says Statistics-R-US will continue to issue forecasts. “We’re the nation’s weathervane,” he says. “Everyone likes to know which way the wind is blowing.”

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