The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Thanks for sharing this!

Are you wondering what happened to the light at the end of The Tunnel? Your government is, too.

“At the moment, we’re in the dark,” says Notso Brilliant, a spokesperson for the US Department of Shine On. “We apologize for the inconvenience.”

The Tunnel is a long, expensive shaft that was part of a governmentally-funded infrastructure project designed to guide Americans toward jobs, prosperity, and a better outlook on life in general. The bright point of The Tunnel was the light at the end, which was supposed to provide hope to weary travelers.

Unfortunately, according to experts, the scheme had problems from the beginning. Arguments over the effectiveness and cost of The Tunnel often caused the light at the end to flicker. Last Monday, that light abruptly went out, slowing all progress to the speed of dark.

“At first we thought the problem was budget cuts,” says Con Fused, who began the long hike through The Tunnel two years ago. “Then we heard the department forgot to pay the power bill.”

Ms. Brilliant insists neither of those rumors is correct. She says the Department of Shine On is working hard to find the true cause of the blackout while reassuring people like Mr. Fused the light will soon be switched back on.

After two years spent trying to reach the light at the end of The Tunnel, Mr. Fused is skeptical. “I’m not a conspiracy theorist,” he says. “But I’m convinced the government has secretly been buying more tunnel.”

You might also like these posts

Satire — Gridlock Image source: Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Staying Calm Calm International is losing its stature as a global leader in the equanimity market, with sales of flagship merchandise simmering down. While Calm remains a key provider of composure, harmony, and serenity products worldwide, experts say the company has been losing its cool for years---a development reflecting the rea...
Do You Know Better? Of course you know Better. Everyone thinks they know Better. Yet I. Dunno, spokesperson for the international celebrity, says no one really knows Better. "If I didn't know Better," says Mr. Dunno, "I'd think these people were delusional." Experts, many of whom do not actually know Better, say it's natural for peop...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,