The Jobs Machine

Thanks for sharing this!

Looking for work? Jobs Unlimited desperately needs an experienced machinist skilled in making difficult repairs on the fly, participating in troubleshooting and preparing root cause analyses.

The company, which is the sole remaining manufacturer of American jobs, says its jobs machine is broken, and a crucial replacement part is no longer made in this country. While Jobs Unlimited has the part on order from China, an arrival date is uncertain, with the Chinese supplier suggesting it may take months—if not years—for delivery.

That leaves Jobs Unlimited unable to produce jobs at a time when demand is peaking, and scrambling for a way to re-tool the malfunctioning equipment.

The resulting crisis has finally attracted the attention of the US government. A congressional committee has been established to investigate the reasons for the breakdown of the jobs machine. First on the agenda: Finding experts who can explain to politicians how jobs are actually created.

A spokesperson for Jobs Unlimited insists government intervention will be more hindrance than help, adding that jobs are vital to the bottom line and the company is focused on getting the jobs machine back into production as soon as possible.

Job creation experts are skeptical of the claim, pointing out that the company missed many opportunities to repair the jobs machine, dating back to when the engine first began sputtering ten years ago. They believe government stimulus is the only way to force Jobs Unlimited to come up with a quick solution.

They also point out the government has an incentive to act, since it relies on a steady output of jobs production to fuel political machinery. When jobs are in short supply, even politicians may find themselves unemployed.

You might also like these posts

Essay — Listening to the Flowers Image source: HL CarpenterHot, cold, rainy, sunny—what will it be today? Last week, Carpenter Country ushered in spring highs of eighty degrees. Pansies, delphiniums and azaleas bloomed beside a hibiscus. This week icicles festooned our fountain and temps dropped into the twenties. And while Florida shivered, relativ...
Satire — Gridlock Image source: Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Essay — Blissful Earlier this week, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. When I asked how everything was going, she told me she was blissfully happy. Image courtesy of arztsamui/ Her words made me wonder exactly what she meant. Was she feeling ecstatic, exhilarated and freaked out all at the same moment? ...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,