The Death of Compromise

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Former political advisor Mutual Compromise died Tuesday at the Capitol Hill Infirmary in Washington, D.C., of complications from polarization, according to news reports. He was 236.

Mr. Compromise, who was well known for his philosophy of “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours”, leaves behind a legacy he never wanted: A failed good-faith effort to get politicians to see the world through the eyes of opponents. Members of congress scoffed at his Theory of Cooperation, and branded him a pie-in-the-sky dreamer for his vision of bickering- and rancor-free political negotiations. Toward the end of his life, he was so vilified that Compromise became a dirty word.

In addition to his work in politics, Mr. Compromise was an accomplished painter, and a graduate of the Broad-Brush School of Consensus. His work focused on the theme of finding a way between extremes, and was featured in a one-man show titled "The Art of Compromise."

Mr. Compromise was born in Philadelphia in 1776, at the Constitutional Convention. Survivors include his wife, Happy Medium; and two children, Give and Take. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that you make an offering to the Bend Alittle Center, located in the Spirit of Agreement.

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