Seizing the Dreams

Thanks for sharing this!

Wondering why your dreams no longer come true? It could be they’ve been impounded by the Nanny Division of the US Department of Justice.

The seizure of trillions of dreams is a result of the Nanny Division’s indictment of Olaf Sandman. Mr. Sandman, a happy, elf-like individual with a penchant for carrying a small pouch of fine powder and walking around in socks, made a name for himself as a purveyor of warm, fuzzy, night-time imaginings.

The Nanny Division says he’s a con artist, and arrested him yesterday. He’s charged with defrauding millions of Americans who bought into his vision of traveling over a rainbow to a land where dreams really do come true.

“He convinced investors to put up forty winks each,” says Hava Goodnite, spokesperson for the Nanny Division. “In exchange, he guaranteed huge castles in the air and vast amounts of pie in the sky.”

Unfortunately, according to the Nanny Division, Mr. Sandman’s promises were mere illusions. They say his carefully-knit scheme began unraveling when regulators woke up to the fact that none of his assurances could withstand the light of day.

Many investors are wide-eyed over the arrest. Some remain doubtful of the charges and refuse to believe Mr. Sandman is a fraud.

“No matter what the government does, I’ll dare to keep dreaming,” says a fan who spent last night wishing upon a star. “Birds fly over the rainbow. Why can’t I?”

Like his supporters, Mr. Sandman remains optimistic. “I sleep well,” he says. “Soon these clouds will be behind me, and my troubles will melt like lemon drops.”

Whatever the final outcome, for now Mr. Sandman remains in federal custody at an official grey-sky location somewhere south of the rainbow he once hoped to travel over. The government says his remaining inventory of dreams is being catalogued and will eventually be returned to the proper owners.

You might also like these posts

Satire — Gridlock Image source: www.wpclipart.com Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Staying Calm Calm International is losing its stature as a global leader in the equanimity market, with sales of flagship merchandise simmering down. While Calm remains a key provider of composure, harmony, and serenity products worldwide, experts say the company has been losing its cool for years---a development reflecting the rea...
Do You Know Better? Of course you know Better. Everyone thinks they know Better. Yet I. Dunno, spokesperson for the international celebrity, says no one really knows Better. "If I didn't know Better," says Mr. Dunno, "I'd think these people were delusional." Experts, many of whom do not actually know Better, say it's natural for peop...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,