Rescuing the Wall Street

Thanks for sharing this!

The US Department of Defensive Maneuvering reported today the deployment of the USS Money, a multi-billion dollar navy warship, to aid an enormous luxury yacht off the coast of Stockland.

“We received a distress signal from the Wall Street,” says Admiral U. Stawerkthere, a Department spokesperson. “The captain radioed that his ship went soft aground.”

According to nautical sources, “soft aground” means the Wall Street got stuck in the mud, possibly due to human error.

The news led critics to question the necessity of sending a warship to save a craft that they contend will eventually refloat itself as the tide rises.

But the admiral is adamant that the Department of Defensive Maneuvering had no choice.

“Any time a vessel this size scrapes bottom, there’s the possibility of major structural damage,” he says. “We can’t stand by and let the Wall Street sink.”

Reports from the ship show the incident occurred in calm weather and took all aboard by surprise. Officers employed thrusters and props at varying speeds and directions trying to twist and pivot the Wall Street in a frantic effort to resume the scheduled cruise. After futile thrashing about made the situation worse, they sent out the distress call.

Whether those in command of the Wall Street will be held accountable and subjected to fines and /or dismissal is unclear, as is the likelihood of the Department of Defensive Maneuvering receiving reimbursement for the cost of the mission. The yacht’s owners did state that when the ship is once again afloat, they intend to proceed with the original itinerary, which includes stops in the Stockland ports of Greed and Excess.

You might also like these posts

Article — History of the US Department of Treasury In 1775, at the start of the American Revolution, the Continental Congress had no power to collect taxes or to borrow money to finance a war. However, the Congress could issue “bills of credit,” which were short-term public loans to the new government. Nature print image courtesy of Beyond My Ken (via Wikimedia Commons)...
Satire — Gridlock Image source: Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
Article — Opting Out of Pop-up Sales Are “opt-out sales”—where you have to choose not to be enrolled in a recurring transaction—a con? Or simply a marketing device? What are opt-out sales? Have you ever seen those pop-up boxes when you’re ready to place an on-line order? The ones that tell you a discount or a freebie is yours—as long as you agree? The...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,