Satire — Recalling Integrity

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If you’ve been having problems with your Integrity, you’re not alone. Good Values International, Inc., the world’s largest purveyor of rectitude products, has issued a recall of 4.5 billion batches of Integrity, its flagship offering.

Image source:  drumminhands via Flickr

Image source: drumminhands via Flickr

The recall involves nearly every ounce of Integrity manufactured since the early 1950’s, and was prompted by multiple recent high-profile general failures. The announcement was an embarrassment for Good Values, a company with a reputation for exemplary conduct.

Analysts say unexpected reports of judgment lapses and name tarnishing began late last week. As the Good Values Committee on Decorum investigated the cause of the malfunctions, additional problems were uncovered. At present, it appears the Integrity failures are related to Lasciviousness, a typically incurable disease exhibited by—and potentially fatal to—men in positions of power.

Worried about your own Integrity? Good Values says all versions come with an interior warning system designed to alert you to potential danger, and suggests that when in doubt you should just do the right thing.


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