Satire — One Potato, Two Potato

Thanks for sharing this!

The Potato Diversity Board (PDB) says complaints about lack of variety in holiday potato offerings is expected to reach a record level in November. The projection is based on estimated budget constraints forced upon consumers by high gas and heating costs.

“There’s less money to spend on frivolous side dishes,” says a spokesperson for the PDB. “People have to cut back somewhere.”

Image source: Lumbar, public domain via Wikimedia Commons

Image source: Lumbar, public domain via Wikimedia Commons

According to an insider, PDB received more than 200,000 complaints against family chefs after Thanksgiving last year. So far, no fines have been issued, though PDB says many of the cases are still under review.

Records indicate the complaints are often generated by out of town relatives. These disgruntled traditionalists anticipate a mouthwatering array of potato dishes when they arrive at the old family home. Instead, they discover cost conscious in-house cooks have limited the once expansive spud servings to a single offering.

“The rules are clear,” writes one unhappy feaster. “At a minimum, every holiday table is required to feature white mashed potatoes, baked sweet potatoes and a sweet potato casserole.”

Unfortunately, according to a PDB spokesperson, the official guidance is more ambiguous. There is no specific law setting out the number of potato dishes that must be served. Instead, chefs are allowed to select items that reflect “good taste,” which most experts interpret as a prohibition against instant mashed potatoes.

Critics say more regulation and higher fines are needed.

“Some cooks seem to think they can dish up one measly potato recipe during the holiday,” says a potato purveyor lobbyist. “For the benefit of spud lovers everywhere, that idea must be squashed.”

***

You might also like these posts

Essay — Listening to the Flowers Image source: HL CarpenterHot, cold, rainy, sunny—what will it be today? Last week, Carpenter Country ushered in spring highs of eighty degrees. Pansies, delphiniums and azaleas bloomed beside a hibiscus. This week icicles festooned our fountain and temps dropped into the twenties. And while Florida shivered, relativ...
Satire — Gridlock Image source: www.wpclipart.com Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Essay — Blissful Earlier this week, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. When I asked how everything was going, she told me she was blissfully happy. Image courtesy of arztsamui/FreeDigitalPhotos.net Her words made me wonder exactly what she meant. Was she feeling ecstatic, exhilarated and freaked out all at the same moment? ...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,