JACK AND THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
by HL Carpenter
Ebook ISBN: 978-0-9884095-0-7
Copyright (c) 2012 by Top Drawer Ink Corp.
Jack and The Fountain of Youth — Audio Installment 74
Read along with us!
Below is the text version of the audio.
(Show notes are beneath the text.)
“No, she lives in California. I left a message telling her that I am all right.”
“Do you have somewhere safe to stay?”
“I rent an apartment near the Pryer’s office.” He wasn’t sure how safe the building was.
“You’d better go before the wind picks up much more. Why don’t you take Bradley’s truck? You can put your bike in the back.”
Jack glanced outside. To the west, over the Gulf of Mexico, black and gray cloud-mountains loomed menacingly. The leading edge spat a quick stream of fat raindrops against the greenhouse windows.
He didn’t want to leave her. Besides the danger from the hurricane, he was almost positive Sheriff Garrison hadn’t caught the vandal who’d broken into the greenhouse during Tropical Storm Kyle. What if the creep came back?
We’re new to the Audacity, the sound program we use for our audio recordings, and to sound effects in general. These are our thoughts on the current episode.
Recording. We recorded this segment in one take, after three practice runs with the microphone off.
Technical. We’re experimenting with the length of the pauses between speakers, paragraphs, and sentences. We’re going by ear, trying to learn what sounds best to us.
Comments. Still delighted with the help given by the Audacity forum a few weeks ago. We follow those steps to the letter, and they work perfectly to bring the recordings into compliance with ACX standards.
Story changes. Many changes to the written version this week. Here’s the original.
“She is in California. I left a message.” We expanded this line to explain the message Jack left with his aunt.
“Do you have somewhere safe to stay?”
“I rent an apartment near the Pryer’s office. I guess it is safe enough.” We changed this line to his point of view.
“You’d better go there before the wind picks up much more. Why don’t you take Bradley’s truck? You can put your bike in the back.”
Jack glanced outside. To the west, over the Gulf of Mexico, black and gray cloud-mountains hovered. The leading edge spat a quick stream of fat raindrops against the greenhouse windows. We changed “hovered” because the word did not sound menacing enough. We looked at “lurked” but that implies waiting in hiding, which the clouds are not doing. We went with “loomed” and added a dreaded “ly” word.
He didn’t want to leave her alone with a hurricane approaching. She was more worried about the storm than she’d admit. Besides, he was almost positive Sheriff Garrison hadn’t caught the vandal who’d broken into the greenhouse during Tropical Storm Kyle. What if the creep came back? He couldn’t risk it. We moved part of this further up, into the previous installment, and cut to the chase by giving him a real reason for staying.
“I’d like to stay.” We shifted this line into the next installment because ending with the paragraph before leaves more of a cliffhanger for the installments. The line itself will not change in the new, revised version, either in placement or wording.
***** ABOUT THE AUTHOR *****
HL Carpenter is a Florida-based mother/daughter duo who writes family-friendly fiction from their studios in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like their stories, is unreal but not untrue. When they’re not writing, the Carpenters enjoy exploring the Land of What-If and practicing the fine art of Curiosity. Visit Carpenter Country at hlcarpenter.com.
Fiction by HL Carpenter:
Jack and The Fountain of Youth. Some people say the Fountain of Youth is a myth. Jack Ponsi Dileonardo Thomas knows better.
The SkyHorse. Fourteen year old Tovi thinks finding a flying horse is fabulous luck–until a mysterious stranger says finders aren’t always keepers.
Dream Stealer. Is stealing a dream better than losing your own?
Walled In. When her father is accused of fraud, seventeen year old Vandy Spencer discovers her entire life has been built on a heart-shattering deception.
Pirate Summer. When her brother disappears, Josey is sure she knows where he’s gone. And the only way to bring him home is to travel two hundred years into the past with a boy she can’t trust.
A Cause for Murder. Someone at Happy Haven is a killer. Septuagenarian sleuth Emma Twiggs navigates madcap mayhem, multiple mysteries, and murderous motives to discover who has a cause for murder.