Hope

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Do you suffer from recurring bouts of Hope? Take heart: You’re not alone. Human infections from this resilient virus rose to epidemic levels last year.

Experts say most people have the mistaken impression that Hope is a benign condition. Some even believe it’s a necessary part of a healthy lifestyle. Yet scientists are beginning to understand how lethal Hope is. Recent research has shown the most virulent strain is False Hope, which leads victims to suffer from fantasies about events that are extremely unlikely to ever occur, and which is similar in severity to the always-fatal Wishful Thinking. Worse, people often experience devastating recurrences years after the initial infection.

Approximately two billion people are afflicted with Hope each year. The virus causes severe outbreaks of optimism that can spread quickly to others via transmission vectors such as the Internet. Symptoms include high levels of expectation, enthusiasm, and anticipation.

“A cheap, universal cure remains elusive,” says Dr. A. Brightside. “No matter how we try to stamp it out, there’s always Hope.”

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