Satire — Gridlock

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Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality continues to rise.

“We’ve got Gridlock like you wouldn’t believe,” says Ata Impasse, spokesperson for Full Stop, a manufacturing alliance based in Washington DC. “This stuff makes it impossible to get anything done.”

According to one cohort of industry experts, Gridlock is invaluable for times when incompetence is high and agreement is nonexistent. Under those circumstances, a thick coat of Gridlock creates a barrier that prevents action from leaking through. These fans believe Gridlock is the best way to stop mistakes before they occur, and they’re convinced it’s a powerful legislative-prevention technique that benefits everyone.

Others disagree. They say the political inaction caused by Gridlock results in national stagnation. They’d like to see Gridlock replaced with a less immobilizing solution.

At present, neither faction is willing to compromise, and the debate has stalled.

Mr. Impasse is philosophical about the stalemate. “When it comes to Gridlock,” he says, “no agreement will ever be reached.”


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