Fate of Silver Linings Up in the Air

Thanks for sharing this!

Silver Linings, Inc., the world’s sole purveyor of shiny cloud coatings, ran into stormy weather yesterday, when the US Rainy Day Commission banned sales of the company’s trademark product. The Commission based the action on concern about overblown marketing claims.

“Their advertising promos declared every cloud has a silver lining,” says a spokesperson for the Commission. “After a lengthy study, we’ve determined the evidence does not support that assertion.”

Experts say the ban is the latest in a series of government moves designed to protect consumers by eliminating endorsements of unwarranted optimism.

“The official position of the Rainy Day Commission is that it isn’t always possible to get something positive out of a situation,” says one.

For Silver Linings, the crackdown could spell doom.

As news of the ban broke, analysts began issuing sell recommendations, citing a new focus on the fact that while all silver linings are found in black clouds, the reverse is not necessarily true. In turn, investors grew pessimistic about the company’s ability to emerge from a suddenly dark future, and the price of Silver Linings’ stock plunged.

In the midst of the furor, Silver Linings announced the company has begun discussions with the Rainy Day Commission to clear up any misunderstandings.

“We continue to look on the bright side,” a press release states. “There is great value in Silver Linings, and we believe the Commission will eventually see the light.”

You might also like these posts

Essay — Listening to the Flowers Image source: HL CarpenterHot, cold, rainy, sunny—what will it be today? Last week, Carpenter Country ushered in spring highs of eighty degrees. Pansies, delphiniums and azaleas bloomed beside a hibiscus. This week icicles festooned our fountain and temps dropped into the twenties. And while Florida shivered, relativ...
Satire — Gridlock Image source: www.wpclipart.com Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Essay — Blissful Earlier this week, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. When I asked how everything was going, she told me she was blissfully happy. Image courtesy of arztsamui/FreeDigitalPhotos.net Her words made me wonder exactly what she meant. Was she feeling ecstatic, exhilarated and freaked out all at the same moment? ...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,