A report issued yesterday by the US Centers for Questionable Activities (CQuack) shows a spike in the number of Americans testing positive for a virulent strain of Deep Skepticism. While the current level of infection is below the epidemic baseline, CQuack estimates 82.89% of all Americans are at risk of contracting Deep Skepticism, raising the possibility of a future pandemic.
“It’s hard to believe we’re seeing so many serious cases this early in the year,” says Dunno Bouthat, head of the CQuack research department. “Usually the peak time for Deep Skepticism is November.”
Deep Skepticism is a highly contagious mindset that has swept across the US over the past decade. Common signs of infection include recurring bouts of incredulity and disbelief, accompanied by fits of mistrust. The affliction has proven resistant to cure, and patients report struggling with symptoms for years, though some look at the evidence for those claims with a jaundiced eye.
Experts remain unsure of the origins of Deep Skepticism. There’s also dissent over how the infection spreads, and questions about the validity of recent studies that indicate the Internet is a major vector for transmission.
Since there’s no vaccine for Deep Skepticism, CQuack recommends that Americans worried about becoming infected down a daily dose of caution and avoid contact with inflammatory commentary.