Brain Check

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Memorandum

From: Congressional Brain Authority

To: All Senators and Congressmen

Re: Notice of Brain Inspection

Due to the ongoing epidemic of brainlessness observed in members of Congress, the Congressional Brain Authority has been established by mandate of the American public. To protect the pocketbooks and freedoms of all Americans, the Congressional Brain Authority (CBA) is required by law to inspect members of both houses of Congress for brains on a regular basis.

The new procedure differs from standard intelligence testing, which most members have previously failed. As part of this process, some skulls will be opened and the contents (if any) physically inspected.

Here’s what to expect if your skull is among those selected for physical inspection: During the inspection, your skull and its contents (if any) will be searched for prohibited items such as greed, lunacy and illusions of grandeur. At the completion of the inspection, any remaining legally permissible contents will be returned to your skull.

If the CBA is unable to open your skull for inspection due to hard-headedness, the inspector may be forced to break through any and all layers of preconceptions, misconceptions and idiocy. CBA regrets having to do this, however, CBA is not liable for damage to your skull resulting from this necessary security precaution.

For tips and suggestions on how to secure your skull’s contents (if any) during your term in office, please visit our web site.

We appreciate your understanding and cooperation. If you have questions, comments or concerns, please feel free to contact the CBA Contact Center by phone or e-mail.

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