Bad Weather

Thanks for sharing this!

Despite the billions of dollars spent by the US government over the past decade to prevent unauthorized access at points of entry, Bad Weather somehow managed to cross the Canadian border into America this week. The US Weather Security Administration is taking heat for the security lapse, which sources within the agency say has occurred more than once this year.

“This was a perfect storm,” says Temps Dropping, an agency spokesperson. “Bad Weather slipped in under our radar.”

Mr. Weather is well-known as the leader of a radical group called Atmospheric Conditions, and the agency will soon face a congressional panel to answer questions about its failure to intercept him. The panel is expected to focus on the need for improved surveillance of Atmospheric Conditions, including scans at jet stream locations and stepped-up drone attacks on regions known to harbor these and other meteorological elements.

Critics say the inquiry amounts to nothing more than talking up a storm. They’re convinced the Weather Security Administration failed to heed numerous forecasts indicating Mr. Weather’s activities in the days before his most recent incursion into the US.

“The Administration seems more concerned with knowing which way the wind blows than with doing anything about Bad Weather,” says one angry citizen.

According to news stories, Mr. Weather has been spotted at various locations across the country, with numerous sightings reported in the northeast states. He’s accompanied by two companions, Cold Winds and Drifting Snow. All three are considered dangerous, and the Weather Security Administration, in cooperation with the National Football League, is urging Americans to stay indoors over the weekend.

You might also like these posts

Essay — Listening to the Flowers Image source: HL CarpenterHot, cold, rainy, sunny—what will it be today? Last week, Carpenter Country ushered in spring highs of eighty degrees. Pansies, delphiniums and azaleas bloomed beside a hibiscus. This week icicles festooned our fountain and temps dropped into the twenties. And while Florida shivered, relativ...
Satire — Gridlock Image source: Some people say you can never have enough Gridlock. Fortunately there’s no shortage of the sticky product, which is designed to impede progress. Thanks to the latest advances in engineering, production, and automation, more Gridlock is being produced than ever before, and the quality cont...
The End of The Day Things are growing dark at The End of The Day, and management is losing sleep over competitors who refuse to rest. "We’re settling in for a long, dark period," says Good Night, spokesperson for The End of The Day. "We’re not sure what tomorrow will bring." The End of The Day produces relaxation products, many of which...
Essay — Blissful Earlier this week, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. When I asked how everything was going, she told me she was blissfully happy. Image courtesy of arztsamui/ Her words made me wonder exactly what she meant. Was she feeling ecstatic, exhilarated and freaked out all at the same moment? ...

We write. Visit us in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like our stories, is unreal but not untrue.

Posted in Satire Tagged with: ,