Samuel “Squirrel” Efile, a certified public accountant and head of the think tank Accountants for Offshore Support, today issued a press release announcing his candidacy in the California governor’s race.
“I waited in line right behind the other 4,792 gubernatorial hopefuls to pay my $3,500. I think I even caught a glimpse of Gary Coleman,” said Mr. Efile, when contacted by telephone.
Asked about his platform, the candidate referred to what he called the single most important issue facing California today–the fear the entire state will crack off the continent and fall into the Pacific Ocean.
“Sure, taxes are a problem,” he said. “So is the lack of political leadership, the junk bond ratings, the loss of business, the flight of our citizens to other states. But if we land in the ocean, none of that will matter.”
Even though he won’t be focused on accounting or tax matters, Mr. Efile has gained the endorsement of such notable organizations as the Institution of Certifiable Public Accountants.
“Accountants are trained to look at the big picture,” said Icahnn Count, spokesperson for the Institution. “Squirrel Efile is a fine example of what happens when petty details are swept aside. We’re proud to back his campaign.”
Other members of the Institution seemed less convinced. “Sounds like his think tank is one tread short of a full track,” said O.C. Boa, a sole practitioner in San Francisco. “Everybody knows California’s most pressing problem is figuring out who’s going to replace Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies.”